Dastak is telling the story of single moms caught in the line of fire – society vs log kya kahenge vs family. Kiran’s story resonates with many women because single moms are able to see themselves in her story. When your status switches from Ms. to Mrs. and then back again, that’s bad enough, right? Add to that, a single mom status and you’ve just reached the peripherals of society – neither here nor there! Read on to find out why Dastak is a resounding knock at the door for all those who can’t connect the single mom dots!
When Single Mothers Need to Tell Their Story, Dastak Knocks At the Door, Literally!
While we won’t get into the challenges of Kiran seeking divorce from Saif, and getting guilt-tripped into spending the rest of her life with her ‘doting mother in-law and son’ as a pretty good deal if your husband decides to marry again, don’t you think so(?), after all, she has an entire house to herself and, why would she leave all that and compromise her son’s bright future? But as Dastak decided to do away with THAT mindset and set the pace for Kiran, a young divorcee x single mom who’d rather walk out than stay back (we’re not judging those who stayed back, because, everyone has their own set of challenges), but Kiran’s determination certainly showed the way for many others, we hope.
We’ll move on to the challenges Kiran faced once back home at her parents and why it’s important to list them, just like our top 5 dramas of the week, if only because learning by rote, and repitition is perhaps, the only way to commit some lessons to memory, forever!
So here goes and we’ll try not to make this a rant!
1. Kiran can seek financial independence, but only within socially acceptable (and back to the stone age) working hours
Yeah, stone ages might be stretching it a bit too far back, but that’s only to make a point.
It’s about only following a profession that’s socially acceptable to the cob-webbed mindset – girls can teach in a school, but ‘event planning’ or any career which is beyond 9-5, better, 8-1 (even teaching isn’t 9-5 now, btw, so wake up and smell the coffee), is outside the rule book single moms are supposed to follow. So Kiran’s Event Planning business, which is a pretty cool idea we think, and one she wanted to follow much earlier in life, doesn’t really cut it. Want to know why? Then read on!
2. Don’t neglect your child while working, unless you’re lucky enough to get a marriage proposal
So here’s the premise. If Kiran, a single mom, works late hours, leaving her child at home with her parents, she’s neglecting her child, right? Children come first, not work. Right (nod your head if you agree, but hold on, just a sec, keep that nod for later). But then Kiran’s father throws her an ultimatum – either get married to the very eligible proposal coming her way, where the new husband does not want her to bring her child along (but don’t worry, we will look after him, says Kiran’s dad), and if you refuse… ” you’re not allowed to live under my roof.” Utters the dad. Okaaayyy, so why couldn’t you just look after her son while she works hard to set up her business? At least that way, her son will live with her under the same roof, and Kiran will be able to ensure her presence in his life?
Marriage over everything else, even your right to parent, right? This mindset might sound a bit extreme but trust us, many women have had to compromise and many grandparents have brought up their grandchildren because the new husband refuses to have anything to do with another person’s child (not even if it happens to be his wife’s).
3. The opportunistic divorcee is always out to grab an innocent guy (and his fortune).
Society paints divorced women with a different brush. They’re out there to trap an innocent guy, (and so easy are they to trap, almost falling like flies st thr feet of these supernaturally scheming women); both Moiz’s parents and earlier, the group of ladies at the event who asked Kiran if she was married or not, seemed to flinch at the sound of divorced (and that too, a single mom).
The acceptable response? Divorced women or single moms don’t need our sympathy, they just need respect and a need to normalize their status in society. Often we might think we are liberal enough to take the leap, but ever too often, when we meet a divorcee or a single mother, there are unasked questions in the air, a sense of mistrust, curiosity or even fear – what did she do to land up in this situation? Was it her fault? Is she a red flag? Should we keep our unmarried sons and brothers away from her? These thoughts might seem too extreme or toxic, but believe us, they are more real than one would like to believe and yes, you can nod your head here, they are tragically toxic too.
4. Moving out of her parents home and declaring independence is a no-no!
Often, single mothers are dependent upon their parents and hence, also answerable to their family while making independent decisions on life, their career, their child’s wellbeing. However, when it comes to living independently, society resorts to moral policing. Whereas, on the flipside, such a move could also be celebrated and marked as a proud moment in a parent’s life, that their adult daughter is learning to cope with her circumstances, and will be able to tend to the needs of her child without depending on others – after all, self sufficieny is a blessing, and it brings along with it, empowerment and decision making power.
But not in the single mother’s rule book!
If we were to perceive this power not as defiance but as the strength of a woman, and if parents could see this as a win, that their daughter is able to face all that life throws at her, (and throw it right back), if she is able to achieve her life goals despite things not going according to a life plan, it’s a proud moment for any parent. Right? You bet it is. Unless you’re following the rule book!
The rule book says: it’s a recipe for disaster! Young women are now too independent, too headstrong and too empowered to listen to anyone.
But to celebrate this confidence in your daughter requires an unlearning of all that has been taught to us as a society, not to fear a woman’s independence, not to judge a single or divorced mom but instead, to celebrate her journey.
Bringing up a child alone in a world where society questions your intentions every step of the way is a challenge indeed. That Kiran’s character resonates with so many women is a clear example that Dastak has got something right, perhaps in the way the character is essayed and scripted, perhaps in the struggles she faces, even perhaps in the way her father and society make it harder for her to find her way.
What doesn’t break you makes you stronger, and Kiran and women like her are a shining example of just that. The drama is standing out so far in representing the struggles many single mothers are facing or have undergone in our society. It’s high time we throw out that rule book, and write a new one. The curriculum must change with the times, and now is the time for sure! .
Dastak airs on ARY Digital every Friday and Saturday and is written by Sarwat Nazir and directed by Marina Khan. It is a project of Six Sigma Plus Production. The cast features Ali Raza, Sohai Ali Abro, Feroz Kadri, Syed Tanveer Hussain, Asma Abbas, Sohail Sameer, Perveen Akbar, and more.
