Are you one of those stuck in a circle of Indian-Pakistani friendships that call truce when the going is easy, but when the going gets tough, you retreat to your safe zone, and often, even look the other way? Looking the other way might also still be okay, but what about celebrating your friend’s grief under the cloak of nationalism? What does your country demand from you on the one side, and your Pakistani friends on the other? Being human is a choice. Unfortunately, it doesn’t come with the role.
Because, If You’re A Pakistani With Indian Friends, It’s About to Get Very Complicated!
Dear Indians, It Is Very Easy To be Friends When We Are Not At War. But That’s Not The Test of True Friendship, Is It?
When I saw Pakistani celebrities posting on their social media handles, truly hurt by their collegaues and friends from the other side of the border, celebrating the deaths of Pakistanis, the pain came from deep down inside. And I understood it. Because if you’re an expat Pakistani, you have been there too. You meet with people from across the border, share memories, make memories, and all that, dissolves under a rubble of nerve shattering gunfire, missile attacks and drone warfare with one simple post on a wall, celebrating victory over the killings of people across the border. This comes from the same people you claim to be your friends, and truly believe that your friendship runs beyond borders. You pause to think, how foolish have you been, or, perhaps you’re just imagining it?
These are the same friends to whom you have reached out to commiserate the death of a terror attack in their country a few days ago.
There has to be a difference between the ethos of your government and military, and ordinary civilians. You both have a job to do, one must protect the borders, the other, relationships. If you can do both, you are human. Nothing more, nothing less. It’s not rocket science really, but perhaps, being human takes a monumental toll in a world that is rife with hostility, warring neighbours and lack of online respect for each other’s feelings.
Isn’t it easy to be a keyboard warrior in our times and carried away by online sentiment, more, fervour!
It is perhaps the need to reach out to humanity that Pakistanis posted on social media with condolences for the victims of the Pahalgam Attack. Our celebrities earned the wrath of some Pakistani fans when they commiserated with their Indian friends and colleagues over the attack and failed to criticize the Indian goverment for their finger-pointing, accusatory, aggressive tone. But were they naiive to expect their sentiments would be reflected in their neighbours and friends from across the border?
Fast forward to 7th May 2025 – Pakistani celebrities and ordinary citizens who have Indian friends are reeling from the sense of betrayal, not from the Indian army or military, but from the people whom they thought were their friends. Whom, they thought, were in it with them, together
Perhaps this shock awakening, or enlightenment (call it what you will), was needed. And perhaps this pain will help them see the light?
While Pakistani and Indian friends often share a uniting sentiment, that they are inherently similar, is it that we are in fact, intrinsically different? The average Pakistani does not share nationalistic posts colored in the high of war games and celebrate a victory over the other’s death toll, perpetrated by the military of your country.
This is not to say that Pakistanis are above and beyond any wrong, or holier than thou, but they do not carry the blind nationalism gene that makes them not want to filter through fake news, unnecessary rhetoric or misplaced passion that is aimed at provoking aggression… and nationalism.
There is a difference between nationalism and patriotism:
“Patriotism has historically meant a love for and devotion to one’s fatherland, or country of origin. Patriotism encompasses devotion to the country as a whole – including all the people who live within it. Nationalism refers to devotion to only one group of people over all others.” The Conversation
While most Pakistanis might be patriotic, most Indians are nationalistic. Hence this intrinsic difference makes us (Pakistanis) turn around and gape wide-eyed when our favourite celebs or friends; from Indian fashion designer Manish Malhotra to a cross border colleague or friend we’ve shared a moment with over coffee or dinner, posts “Jai Hind” after a cross border strike, literally walking over the graves of those who fell on the other side.
A wise mother once told me: “We raise our children, provide them with a liberal education so that we allow them to think for themselves. But when they start thinking for themselves, and that thinking is different from our POV, we have an issue with that.”
Having said that, in times of war or cross-border conflict, every citizen must show a united front. The military has no place for division, or divisive voices, especially in times of war. It is a chain of command that runs through right from the top to the lowest tier of the hierarchy.
But when do citizens of a country become one and the same with their military? One voice, one tone, and zero tolerance for dialogue.
History has proved that wars never solved a conflict. Dialogue did. Take the creation of Pakistan and India for one. It was through maddening negotiations with the Indian and Pakistani side that 2 nations were born. It was done across the table after a senseless and insurmountable loss of lives. One million died and 15 million were displaced as Muslims fled to Pakistan. BBC
Needless to say, though the two nations have weathered many conflicts in the past, the hostility surrounding this one has been wildly unexpected. But it is also a great time to come through on those reels and images you posted on social media with your friend from across the border.
Which reality was true? That sense of one-ness then, when all was calm on the battle front, or this dis-unity that you feel now. As if, you never really and truly knew the person that existed on the other side? Think of 1947, and the stories from your forefathers who revealed true narratives of how their Indian-Pakistani friends helped provide them safe passage in a war-torn region? How friends from across the newly-marked border risked their own lives to save yours. If your friendship cannot even survive this test, while you sit, in the comfort of your living room, posting on social media, trolling the face you don’t even know and celebrating the grief of a friend you did know, was this friendship even meant to be?
If you are a Pakistani or Indian mired in this conflict, sad that your friends have turned their backs on you, know this: that it is very easy to be friends in good times. It is in times like these that we test a relationship. It is easy to fight a faceless enemy, because if you don’t know them, the emotional baggage is much less, but once you get to know someone from across the border, shared a meal with them in your home or theirs, you have already crossed the line, and things will never be the same again. To turn it back now, is turning your back on a friendship that you believed, and made others believe, would stand the test of time, and war.
What is it they say, the finest steel has to go through the hottest fire?
Well, the fire is burning already. Has your friendship burned away with it, or will it come out stronger on the other side?
Your time started a few days ago from now.
