It is so easy for some people to blatantly declare whether they are introverted or extroverted. But people like me? We are always confused. There might be many like me but all of us are confused. I guess probably that’s why, not a lot of people know about us. Sometimes I just want time off from a social gathering, but I’m also uncomfortable in silence. I like a little bit of everything. No one really understands what I really want when I say it, because I guess the concept of an ambivert is not that prevalent. But today I am telling you, that we are here and we do exist. We are neither extroverts nor introverts, we are a mixture of both… somewhere lost in the middle of the spectrum.
When I am alone for a while I enjoy my alone-time, just me and my thoughts that help me resonate and even stay sane. Sometimes I even crave to be alone, away from the public eye, in a corner, somewhere in solitude. But as I sit in the same corner, there will be a shift in the thoughts that go through my mind and I begin to have an uncomfortable feeling that an extrovert might feel when they are sitting in a lonely corner. It’s not exactly bad per se, it’s really just a queasy feeling that makes you want to go out and talk to people.
But when I am out-after a little laugh, a little catching up-I might just retract into my own land of thoughts where there will be no one to disturb me. All my thoughts and my ideas and some of the craziness that no one will ever find out, come flooding in like a wave washing up on to the shore. What people see however-is me spacing out-while I actually really enjoy this abyss. The first reaction they have is to wave their hand in front of my eyes thinking-I am probably sad. No. I am not sad at all. Just tired…of talking I guess. But this is how I recharge. Let me.
So many times I am thought of as arrogant, but I am really not. Trust me, don’t go on the RBF but just come up to me and try to speak to me. Sometimes I even wonder if it really is an RBF. Or is it just there because I can’t always manage to smile-simply because it’s a bit of work, it takes effort to move my muscles. It is easier for some people to do that. But trust me, I am not sad, angry or irritated. I am just resting my facial muscles. Let me.
But when I am too talkative, people get surprised. They get a feeling that perhaps something really amazing happened so they expect some news from me. I realize I probably display erratic behavior but that’s exactly my point. That is how I am-that’s how we are. Let us. It is funny how there is a category of ambiverts out there and all of us are equally confused as to who we are exactly. We are neither too extroverted nor too introverted. We are just somewhere in the middle… but we exist… let us.
Yours sincerely,
An ambivert.
