Last night, I had a dream. The new James Bond was going to be a woman, Super Woman was about to get her own Netflix show, The next American President was a woman too and yes, if you can beat it, Santa Claus just got a makeover, you guessed it, women took over the world. And the Pope? Let’s not even go there.
But wait a minute, if you think the wheels of feminism have finally done the world tour, you’re not really reading the room, yet. Take a look at what’s trending on social media and in the average South Asian’s mind and you’ll know the battle is far from over.
Bollywood actress Katrina Kaif just made a public appearance, post-partum, and all that netizens could talk about was her weight gain, her startling appearance transformation pre and post pregnancy, some went as far as to compare it with our very own Mahnoor Baloch, countering those who spoke up for Katrina that if women’ bodies had a hard time recovering from pregnancy then Mahnoor, who started her career in the 1980s. wouldn’t look so ethereal and evergreen as ever – in other words, implying that Katrina had the nerve to appear in public not looking like her pre-mom 20 odd something years old self. And then, if that wasn’t enough, we witnessed an entire online debate on Mahira Khan announcing her pregnancy at 41 years old. The conversation turned to when women’s bodies can carry a healthy pregnancy and what is the right age-window for a woman to be pregnant. And that, by the way, is just the icing on the cake. The cherry on top? Did Jemima Goldsmith just decide to remarry after 22 years when her ex-husband is in prison and seriously unwell???
Seriously? Go figure.
Let women live. 20, 25 or 40. And stop dictating how they should do it.
Is that really so hard? To feel we are entitled to speak on the personal appearance of women, public personalities or people we don’t even know, and pass judgement, scathing comments for everyone to read and reshare, to engage in a debate about women’s personal choices and their bodies and tell them what they should or should not do with theirs is just not going to go away with a snap of the finger, or a female James Bond suddenly making it to IMAX cinemas or even an entire Marvel Universe led by women, because these superficial makeovers just tend to pay lip service or to appease a much bigger problem.
The fault dear Brutus lies somewhere much deeper, not in the society who casts a male James Bond, but in the one who thinks that we can win the war againat misogyny if Hollywood puts up a progressive face of women. Or if America votes for a female president.
Reality check: The world still battles racism, and Apartheid is apparently long over.
So, what’s the issue and how can we fix it? The issue lies in our strange sense of entitlement that normalizes conversations around a woman’s personal choices and her body and make it public property – a topic of national conversation?
Can we right a wrong by merely providing a figurehead and thinking this act of ours, of acknowledging our women in ‘Pride of Performance’ awards, making them a head of state or a symbol of national pride will fix everything else that is wrong in our society regarding women’s rights, just like that, overnight? When I last checked, Pakistan had a woman prime minister many years, but ithe nation still wages a war against child marriage, misogyny, gender inequality and lack of adequate healthcare for women and expectant mothers, among many other shortfalls.
And today when a 41-year-old national treasure does post in public, sharing her joy with all of us, allowing us a glimpse into her inner circle (that’s hard, because everyone already thinks they’re in on a celebrity’s inner circle), sharing her blessings at becoming a mother again, she is met with judgement, and an online debate on the health risks of late pregnancy for women. When another steps out of her home at a public event, she is expected to look just as she had appeared when she walked the ramp at 20 or 25. And when another woman, also a national treasure if I may say so, wishes to quietly celebrate a second chance at love, and weds in an intimate, personal ceremony, she is questioned why she couldn’t stay loyal to her first husband from whom she is now divorced and who, by some twisted version of fate, is languishing in prison, through no fault of hers and despite her tireless efforts to get him free.
To the 41-year-old mom to be, I have this to say: You just allowed women in their 40s to believe in the poignant beauty of faith, love & life. You are beautiful and blessed. This is your moment. Thrive in it. May God shower you with his choicest blessings.
To the 43-year-old post partum mom I have this to say, in your appearance, many women find relief, and a normal they try hard to fight when scrolling a social media feed that suggests anything but not perfect is what they should be aiming for. Because you are all, and you must believe it inside you – absolutely perfect. Perfect for walking the tight rope of a life bravely chosen, choosing to bring forth another life – the most surreal experience of all, and what you carry inside yourself forever is the reality of that life – it transforms the soul in ways you cannot even begin to imagine.
To the woman who gets a second chance at love, you just allowed others to maybe, for a split second, think of their own happiness. And that there is no right age, or right time or moment that makes it all perfect. And that you learn to trust again, live again, love again if you want to live life to the fullest and give it another shot – you have every right to rejoice and no reason to feel guilty.
And to all the people who are too busy pulling these women down, I have this to say. They are all superwomen, they are all James Bond, and they all rule our hearts, and the world – they don’t need a figurehead to prove it. When a woman steps out and chooses to share a special moment of her life with you, when she raises her head in pride, her joy reflects beyond all the hate you throw at her and sparks a thousand more flames, and those thousand will light so many more – and so many more will have courage to be a mother again, to celebrate motherhood in all its forms and to give love a second, third or fourth chance.
We are in no position to decide how women should live their lives. And even if we could, know this – there’s no stopping them! Santa Claus might yet be a woman, and the pope? We’ll come to that too. But the most important win is that you and I keep making our own choices and let no one decide how we should make them – at 41, 21 or any other number – that’s female empowerment at its best and let no one take that away from you.