Parwarish is taking on parenthood with no holds barred, but while Sulaiman and Panah seem to be hitting the right notes, Jahangir is the parent we’re all ready to call out. Club that with Mahnoor’s failure to communicate with her children and you have Parenting Fails that are ballooning with every successive episode, threatening to blow up with a big fat bang, and soon.
While we’ve gotten over the injustice of showing the foreign returns as inept, clueless parents in Parwarish, and a couple that does not respect each other’s mindsets, surprise, surprise, living abroad does that to Pakistanis (yeah, that one’s laced with sarcasm), let’s just drop that line and go on to debate Jahangir’s big parenting fails. Because much as we despise his reactions and gross misconduct, the anger in us rages deep because we’ve probably witnessed a handful of Jahangirs among us, right?
Here’s what you’re doing wrong Jahangir, and this one’s for all the Jahangirs who’re watching:
1. Wali is not the Loser
Okay, we won’t say you are, because that’s just inappropriate terminology and you using it on your son just reveals your own ineptitude as a parent and a responsible adult. But if anyone were to take a long hard look at the way you treat a young boy, stepping into adulthood, who really hasn’t done much wrong apparently, other than riding a motor bike late night (who hasn’t) and trying to save the girl he likes (who hasn’t, and if you say no, have you even lived?) no judements but you get the drift.
Let us say this here, loud and clear. Wali is normal, as normal as any young teenager gets, please let him stay just as he is. What he probably is, is deeply tormented, disturbed and traumatized. Which brings us to our next point in Parwarish.
2. Communication and empathy is key whether you have a son or daughter
Dear Jahangir, it’s okay to be soft with your son too. Much as you’ve reserved all your emotions for Anaya, it is in the same lack of empathy for your son who might be equally if not more traumatized, that we fail to appreciate your feelings for Anaya. If anything, you have a sneaky way of emotionally blackmailing Anaya, which you did earlier in the narrative too, to convince her to stay in Pakistan. You felt that was the only way you could make your wife and son stay back and it worked.
But if you had only talked to Wali and Mahnoor, explained your fears, and asked them to support you in your decision, made it easier for them by facilitating the decision, it could have been team work rather than Jahangir work. There is power in numbers and words solve mostly everything, not the ones you use though, which are more like weapons of war, instigating, angry, loud accusations rather than a rational, clear-minded thought process.
What kind of an example are you setting for your son Wali? If this is the example set by his father, how will he learn to respect the women in his life? And if it weren’t for Anaya, his sister, he might never have, because your behaviour with your wife is clearly erratic.
3. Your mother is not the solution to all your life problems
Ever notice how Jahangir retreats to his safe space, his mother, everytime he doesn’t get his way? And she towards him? This mother-son duo needs to call it a day and revert to real life. Fencing with Sulaiman everytime you want something, blaming Mahnoor when the children are in trouble and flying into a rage instead of staying calm and solving the issue at hand makes you a walking talking red flag and we wonder how Mahnoor (the children have no choice), is even putting up with it.
4. Hitting your child and that too in public
When Jahangir hit out at Wali, it was more of an inability to calm his own emotions, to show a mature and measured reaction to problems that the father of every teen faces at some point in life. Children make mistakes, they get into trouble, and it is your job as a parent to navigate the waters and let them know you are their safe space, no matter what they’ve done. They should be able to come to you, regardless of the consequences. It’s how they learn to keep calm under trying situations, it’s how they learn not to shy away from challenges, they’re watching you when you are least expecting it. Being the example, walking the talk, is the best thing one can do as a parent, and what can we say Jahangir, you’re failing at it.
5. When your children refuse to confide in you
That’s a big one. Anaya willing to talk to Wali and not to her parents was the biggest parenting fail and Mahnoor at least, knew it. But here too, the situation could have been salvaged, with Jahangir acknowledging and appreciating that Anaya has confidence in Wali and shares a bond with her brother – after all, there must be something right that Wali is doing? But no, Jahangir proceeds to call him out and resents the slight from Anaya.
It is a blessing that Wali seems to have turned out as communicative, understanding and sensitive as he is. With Anaya sharing a moment with him, and him forging a connection with Amal and Maya, Wali, despite the storm within, is battling it out fairly well. The trauma from the time in jail as well as the mob attack has left him shaken, yet he’s laboring on as many men do in our society – strong on the outside, totally there for his sister and still trying hard to fix things with Maya.
While the other parenting shown in Parwarish is exemplary so far, with both Sameer and Amal able to turn to their parents for help, the narrative does seem a tad one-sided with Jahangir and Mahnoor bearing the major fault lines in the parenting trap.
On another note,children such as Wali are in danger of serious trauma and lasting childhood scars if they are not able to heal from everything they have been through, and being made to feel they are inconsequential, labelled in demeaning terms such as ‘loser’ and a ‘good for nothing’ by a parent is deeply irresponsible parenting. Parwarish is aptly depicting the harm that parents like Jahangir can inflict upon their children. And it must be noted that Jahangir is possibly himself a product of over protective parenting (from his mother) and possibly toxic masculinity from society – although we don’t see too much of it in his parents except for the lone converation between them in the latest episodes.
It is perhaps a blessing then that Wali has dada and his cousins to turn to, and although no one can take the place of a parent, perhaps Sulaiman might have to do that job – another blow for Jahangir who still hasn’t gotten over the sibling rivalry with his brother.
On another note, is Jahangir’s parenting fail because of his own parents? Does he as a father, still need fathering himself? Should dada have a word with him instead of Wali, and will Jahangir even listen? Was his mother too protective and his father, not present enough? Dada is doing a good job with Wali but then, parents are a completely different experience when they become grandparents, raise your hand if you agree!
Tell us if you have something to add to the Jahangir parenting fail debate. Drop us a comment to join the conversation.
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Parwarish is written by Kiran Siddiqui and directed by Meesam Naqvi. The drama airs every Monday and Tuesday at 8:00 PM only on ARY Digital. The cast includes Samar Jafri, Aina Asif, Naumaan Ijaz, Savera Nadeem, Shamim Hilaly, Saad Zameer Fareedi, Reham Rafiq, Nazr-ul-Hasan, Bakhtawar Mazhar, Nooray Zeeshan, Haleema Ali, Arshad Mehmood, Saman Ansari, Abul Hasan, and others.
