When Sheba and Nazish had a mother-daughter conversation, one wondered what Sheba would have to say about siding with her father over an extra marital affair. What came out were the emotions of an angry young girl, a daughter who felt targeted by her mother, and possibly, enjoying a sadistic moment or two to see her mother suffer, and also, a lecture on Gen-Z expectations from parenting.
Sheba and Nazish have been daggers drawn since episode 1. Nazish has been hung up on her eating habits and Sheba has responded by being stubborn, defiant and angry over her mother’s constant criticism – she rebels like any young adult and doesn’t mince words when telling her mom exactly what she thinks about her fat-shaming. On the other hand, Sheba shares a close bond with her father Imtiaz. And even as audiences ‘get’ her resentment with her mother, and her closeness to her father, what they don’t get is how a daughter could side with her father and even cover up his extra marital affair despite knowing how much it would hurt her mother.
Is this a simple case of skewed moral compass (an accusation often directed at Gen Z), or something deeper? That was the question on Nazish’s mind too when she approached Sheba. Here’s 5 takeaways from the conversation that peeled back the layers on generational trauma, the messy business of parenting in an era of Gen-Z kids and everything in between. Take a deep breath as we plunge into this one.
1. Protecting your child from what hurt you as a child
Your intentions as a parent might be pure, but how you say it might not get you the results you seek. Nazish, scarred by fat shaming in her youth, desperately wanted to prevent that for her daughter. But she did this by constantly criticizing her, body shaming her and handing out a kind of tough love that she thought would save Sheba from all the pain she went through as a child.
2. Surprise, surprise – the approach backfired
This is a parenting tactic that has found a following in many Gen X parents, who fear for their children suffering the same consequences they did as children, and feel that the rough and tough approach works best. The fear that being too soft on your child can lead them to slack off, and being vocal, strict, non-negotiable is the only way to toughen up kids – they’ll thank you later and bear the hard stuff for now, is exactly what Sheba did not need.
“We need to respect you as people before we follow your advice,” responds says. Parenthood does not come with a tag to be obeyed by your children, you have to earn it. And constant criticism doesn’t work either.
And as nature would have it, Nazish just discovered (unfortunately), that this formula didn’t solve the mother-daughter equation. And possibly, while it might work on some, one size doesn’t fit all. In fact, every parent has to temper their approach according to the child they raise.
3. Sheba rebelled, resented and raged
Sheba was not that child who would be shamed into losing weight. Instead, Nazish ended up developing a toxic relationship with her daughter. At one point, she even mentioned in utter frustration: “I’m not your enemy Sheba,” grasping to understand why her daugher would react so defiantly to every bit of advice from her mother. The fact that Sheba sought a safe space with her mother, one where she wouldn’t have to deal with the fat-shaming she received online and in friends groups (it spilled onto her relationship with Kumail, where she constantly asked him to delete images that made her look fat), is exactly what she didn’t get with Nazish.
And that’s what Nazish failed to realize, (carrying her own childhood trauma baggage), as a mother.
Not just that, but Sheba’s self esteem was marred to a point where she constantly scrutinized her appearance in social media posts and checked the comments section to make sure she’s not trolled.
4. A parent’s childhood experiences manifest themselves in parenting
Nazish’s own journey with being fat shamed as a child doesn’t end as a mother. Sheba accused Nazish of feeling smug when she (Nazish) could happily fit into clothes that were too small for Sheba. Was Nazish really doing that? Was she even aware that she was secretly happy she was more fit and in shape than her daughter? Or was it an unconscious manifestation of her own baggage, never being able to fit into clothes when she was a teenagaer like Sheba, and having to hand them to her sister Uroosa who was slimmer than her. The feeling of finally being the one to whom the clothes fit, could have offset Nazish, and Sheba not only felt it but held it against her mother.
Wouldn’t you if you were Nazish’s daughter?
5. When toxicity turns to revenge
Sheba siding with her father over his extra marital affair was possibly the unkindest cut of all for Nazish – how could her daughter side with a cheating father? This was the question on our minds, and Nazish too – what perplexed Nazish deeply and she repeatedly asked this question out loud. But Sheba and Nazish’s relationship had become so toxic that Sheba wanted to get back at her mother. What better way than to make friends with her father’s girlfriend, secretively knowing that it would hurt her mother. Sheba’s negative feelings for her mother had reached a point of hatred – intense emotions which many Gen-Zers can vouch for feeling against their parents (open secret) – and this led to not only siding with her father, but possibly also capitalizing on the bond she shared with him as it gave her extra points against her mother, who (apparently shared none with Imtiaz).
And that is where the story stands today. Nazish has left the house. Sheba does not feel the need to support her against her father, and also feels she will return, eventually, and hence, not taking her mother’s departure too seriously. Perhaps this mother-daughter duo needs another conversation, but only after they’ve spent time apart. At the moment, no one is missing anyone and Tum Larkay Bhi Na is poised at a crossroads on what happens next.
Drop us a comment if you connected with the parenting takeaways from the drama. Will Sheba miss her mother at all? Or was Nazish the only one in the wrong who needs to fix her parenting strategies?
Comments 3