In latest Pakistani drama serial Parwarish, audiences are happy to see creators getting the casting right – young, school and college-going students match the ages of the actors essaying them. One could argue that age-appropriate casting is a big win for Pakistani dramas, but it’s good to know the narrative isn’t stopping at that, but it aims to tell stories that not only essay the challenges of these youngsters but also, connect the dots right back to problematic parenting, dysfunctional parental relationships, and a joint family system that both facilitates and adds to the struggle.
While Parwarish might not be getting everything right, it’s ticking off quite a few boxes, and the storytellers deserve full marks for stepping into a largely ignored stortelling territory. Is it because of the lack of Gen Z influencers in the local industry who can act and also, pull in the crowds? It’s a given that traction for any story, no matter how sharp, requires the actors to hold a sizeable social media following. Right?
Perhaps yes, I see you nodding your head.
There are exceptions to the rule though, but the casting in Parwarish proves a point – with Samar Jafri, Abulography, Aina Asif and the rest leading the charge, these public personalities hold quite the sway over social media and hence, their Gen Z followers will follow suit, trickling from Instagram onto YouTube to catch their latest foray into acting.
But where Parwarish has gone a step ahead is to connect the torments of the present Gen Z to Gen X parenting and open up a Pandora’s box of questions to reveal that their headaches are not in isolation – if one needs an aspirin to help soothe the Gen Z pain, the medicine must be administered in possibly higher doses to the adults who are causing the pain.
Oops, have I said too much?
Maybe, but the creators are smart enough not to get too preachy on the storytelling – read between the lines folks, and you’ll get the gist. Where do you think Maya’s stance not to marry comes from? Is it because of the less than flowery relationship she sees between her parents? Why does Aniya seem so disturbed (even before the bullying incident). Is it because of what happened in the past and also, the fact that she has often seen her parents argue rather than iron out their disagreements? There is a difference, and the arguing can take its toll on young as well as old minds.
So onwards to everything that’s making Parwarish a worthy watch so far.
Parenting
Kabhi Main Kabhi Tum started it – the parenting debate. But Parwarish, as the name suggests, is presenting the story like an open book, just like Jahangir and Mahnoor’s relationship – dissasociated with how their reactions, behaviour and words might sound to the young adult children they are raising. When Mahnoor and Jahangir argue and disagree, the entire family listens, including their children. When Mahnoor sides with her children and criticizes their father’s decisions, she is, in fact undermining him in their eyes, and when Jahangir makes decisions disregarding the choices or opinions of the rest of his family, especially his wife, the mother of his children, he is sending out a message that he is the sole decision maker, and that she is largely inconsequential, because, he holds the upper hand vis a vis breadwinner of the family.
One can see the confusion in Aniya’s eyes and the uncertainty and mild frustration in Wali’s. These are the same children for whom the couple uprooted a settled life abroad and moved to Pakistan, yet they seem to, all four of them be rooted in a different reality. This parenting disharmony can be very unsettling for young adults who are still navigating their life through personal relationships, life decisions and the big one – career choices.
It was also interesting to see the relationship between mother and son versus father and daughter. Where Jahangir’s words affected Aniya deeply and perhaps, unconsiously, he played on her emotions to bounce off his ideas and guilt-trip her too, Mahnoor was leaning on Wali to be her partner in crime, packing up to leave against his dad’s wishes.
The reason? Their parents have a communication breakdown, and turn to their children who might seem physically grown up, but in reality, they too, need direction, and their parents are not doing them any service by ‘othering’ the other parent in the conversation.
Lack of control over life decisions
One would think with all the choices Gen Zers have at its finger tips, they would be in control. But that’s exactly what they are not. Because parents have not undergone the transition in lifestyles, education and society that their children are exposed to. Where Maya wants to become a doctor, she might have to say yes to a marriage as a compromise in order to get to her greater goal which is, obtaining her medical degree. Because the society she lives in (including her parents) values marriage over career.
Wali’s dad might have encouraged his guitaring at a young age, but now prefers him to follow a career in medicine, to the point that Wali participates in music competitions under cover, recording his submission in secrecy. Why? Because music is okay as a hobby, but not when you get older, not when you want to make it something more and bigger in your life?
The question is, can you blame a Gen X parent for beung anxious about his son’s life choices? How can he accept a career choice for his son that he would never deem suitable for himself?
The questions are many, and the answers are not always easy. The result? A generation that is buckling under pressure; from the perfect Amal letting off steam late night, doing a job and studying, being the upright, responsible young adult she is, mocked by her cousin Wali for being too uptight, and young, determined Maya, agreeing to a marriage just so she can pursue her dream medical degree in the bargain.
Life’s tough for young people, if only we would step out of our Gen X coloured glasses and unwrap the pressures they live with, chugging endless cups of coffee as a coping mechanism or chilling tool, one never really knows, or perhaps it’s a bit of both.
Onwards to bullying in the Gen Z world
While Aniya being bullied was a plot point that happened too fast in the storyline and seemed a tad forced, one cannot ignore the sinister implications for those who do enocunter it. Aniya obviously has something more going on in the background, a story that will be revealed soon, but the bullying and toxicity in all-girls schools and isolation faced by children who want to find space when they land in Pakistani schools from abroad, is a cause worth highlighting.
It must be said though, that although it’s hard for the creators to commission actors who can master the expat Urdu and English accents, it is an unspoken truth that our culture – from young adults to grown ups, mocks language and accents, often targeting those who cannot speak English well, and also those who can’t speak Urdu too well – it’s a mixed plate really, and no one’s a winner.
Middle school is a nightmare anywhere in the world (add to that a young person’s troubles) and Aniya and her family just learnt that the hard way. How they tackle it remains to be seen, and that’s where the drama will send out strong messages, hopefully.
Financially (Un)indepenedent spouses
When Mahnoor tells Wali, she wished she had become financially independent, one feels her frustration. For a wife whose husband decides to uproot the family without taking everyone’s opinion because, well, he doesn’t need to, shows that expat women, or trailing spouses often end up being covertly dependent on their earning spouse and regardless of how comfortable or secure their life seems in a foreign land, they might be susceptible to the same relationship traumas and lack of financial empowerment as a housewife in Pakistan – more so as they have minimal family support in a foregn land.
Mahnoor’s struggle and Jahangir’s one-sided perspective on family decisions proves the point when he asks her, almost tauntingly, how she will pay for her and the children’s tickets back home, almost as if he’s asserting his ecoomic power over her lack of the same. And for children to have to witness this conversation between their parents is a painful sight indeed. Wali and Jahangir standing side by side, where Wali is asked abruptly to stay silent by his father as he speaks to his mother, was an uncomfortable moment.
Maya’s Struggles
Maya has to give in to her parents wishes to say yes to the proposal. Aina Asif’s performance is winning as she flits between pretending to having sprained her foot, naively thinking she escaped the rishta, to gulping down a gulab jamun with the news that the boy has said yes. Later, her coming to terms with the decision, after being told (also very relatable) by her parents that it will be her decision in the end, but knowing she actually has very little say in the matter – a rhetorical question adults always ask their children: “Do you agree, we won’t act without your agreement?” with all parties knowing full well, the repercussions of refusing, is another pressure young people deal with, whether it is a career choice, a life partner or a move to another country. What the adults probably ignore, is the long term results of not empowering your young adult (especially after arming them with an education that teaches them to think independently) to make their own decisions once they are old and mature enough to make them,. Last I checked it was 18 years on and counting.
Debatable point? Yes, but masking your one-sided decisions by pretending your soon-to-be-adult teen has a say is not just unfair, it pushes the boundaries on obedience. Nod your head if you agree.
Messy Business of Joint Families
Finally, the drama keeps the heart of the story in the relationships that are centred around joint family systems, at times hindering and at times faciliating life issues. Where the cousins are finally coming together, the adults are drawing apart, Jahangir and Salman – two brothers whose sibling rivalry has stood the test of time. And Mahnoor and Pana, victim to a relationship they’d both rather not be in.
While Parwarish is getting it right most of the time, it is perhaps, needful to point out that some tropes need to be revisited. For example, Mahnoor returning from living abroad and not able to chop vegetables or cook food, something Pakistanis do regularly in foreign countries with zero deomstic help. What made sense was the joint family living she was trapped in though, not from her own free will and her need to live an independent life that bothered her perhaps. Also, Amal working a job and studying is something children do abroad too, as well as the lovey-dovey couple relationship between the Pakistani based Pana and Salman as opposed to the US returned Mahnoor and Jahangir was a bit unreal. One cannot help but feel that the narrative is a bit tilted towards showing the wholesomeness of Pakistani relationships (a tad too dreamily) and the harsh reality of those living abroad. needless to say, both sets of relationships and children can turn out differently and either way. However, the term Parwarish is being taken by audiences to mean Pakistani versus expat parenting and hence the confusion in messaging the same. Also, the challenges of middle school and college-going children being uprooted from a foreign culture into a Pakistani one needs to be handled a bit more sensitively. When the adults in the family can be sensitive to the difference, where youngsters like Sameer are used to swimming in deep waters, Wali will find it harder, more like a fish out of water he is presently. and he’s feeling the heat from Maya who’s judging him for where he comes from.
And that’s it folks. Parwarish is a mixed bag of young people’s problems wrapped in a story that draws in parenting, schooling and families to take a holistic look at the issues surrounding the generation – no one is without blame, and everyone must be held accountable for stacking the immense pressure we see on a generation that carries the future of our world upon their shoulders.
Lighten up please will you Gen X, talk to the young adults you’re raising. Rather than saying a whole lot, take some time out and listen to what’s bothering them, you might be surprised at the answers…
And a lot of them might point right back at you.
Parwarish is written by Kiran Siddiqui and directed by Meesam Naqvi. The drama airs every Monday and Tuesday at 8:00 PM only on ARY Digital. The cast includes Samar Jafri, Aina Asif, Naumaan Ijaz, Savera Nadeem, Shamim Hilaly, Saad Zameer Fareedi, Reham Rafiq, Nazr-ul-Hasan, Bakhtawar Mazhar, Nooray Zeeshan, Haleema Ali, Arshad Mehmood, Saman Ansari, Abul Hasan, and others.
