Khalil Ur Rehman Qamar dropped some pearls of (non)wisdom once more as he attempted to school women on maintaining themselves if they want to keep their husbands from looking elsewhere, compared men who ask for dowry to “na mard” or hijras (trans-people) and also mentioned that women whose husbands refuse to take jahez (dowry) should wash their husbands’ feet and drink the water.
While we’re not majorly surprised by KRQ’s revelations, which he seems to own unapologetically and proudly, (what can we say?). We wonder at the reaction of the ladies, 4 of them, who were present at the Samaa TV transmission and who seemed to agree with his mindset.
Not one person present on the show addressed the problematic parallel of likening transpeople to men who demand jahez(dowry) as an insult. Likening any activity or mindset we deem despicable or negative to another community is, at the end of the day, intensely prejudiced and racist against the likened community, and if a Pakistani writer cannot have a layered perspective on this, then those sitting in his presence when he uttered these words, should have corrected him, or at least held an enlightened conversation.
Moreover, listening to KRQ allegedly speaking on the reasons of second marriage as a wife not maintaining her physique” and her appearance, and that she should be eternally thankful to her husband for not demanding jahez makes one question: is a man doing a woman a favour by not demanding jahez? Why is this mindset deemed as a favour and not a right of women? Not demanding Jahez is a non-negotiable and should certainly not be seen as proof of love, it is merely a sign of humanity and civilization in the year 2024!
To take it further, apparently a wife needs to, excuse the vile image, wash her husband’s feet to thank him for not demanding dowry.
It is evident that public figures like KRQ are invited to talk shows to amp up views. Their sensational and problematic thinking will drive up online views, engage viewers to respond in the comments section of the video, share the video and incite conversations, that will most probably be negative, but who cares, since it’s all about the views.
The recent video clip is an example of the pathetic state of our social media industry that relies on publishing questionable male opinions in order to exploit the numbers game.
What could have worked (even if a personality like KRQ is invited on the show) is to refute his mindset or at least have a conversation so that the masses who will watch this video – men and women – will be offered a balanced viewpoint, the anti-thesis of views held by men like KRQ who justify second marriages, forever victim blaming the other half.
Views like the above, handed out unfiltered to a society that is already struggling with issues where women (and trans-people) are often disrespected, abused, harassed or victim blamed, certainly doesn’t help the cause, either for women or trans-people.
Furthermore, such comments aired publicly, fail to hold men accountable for problematic behaviour, divesting them of all social responsibility – a grave oversight in our society that is certainly doing more damage than good.
