25 Thoughts I Had While Watching Aabeer Gulaal In Cinema

While the Bollywood cinema fan is headed to theatres this weekend to pack in a romcom ala Fawad Khan and Vaani Kapoor, I reserve my final review to not spoil the experience for audiences who have a lot to look forward to, if eye candy is what they seek, and not much else? But if they were expecting another Humsafar… I mean, get real, for one:  this is a movie not a full on drama – susraal, saas and the works, for another: no one watches Humsafar now, or no one admits they watch Humsafar now, there’s too much baggage attached to that one, and Gen Z wouldn’t approve of Ashar anyway.

But Fawad Khan, now that’s a different ball game altogether. So, buckle up guys, or shall I say gals! (There were certainly more of them filling the cinema seats). The Fawad Khan and Vaani Kapoor starrer – THE movie that had Indian Pakistani fans engage in virtual war as the real one waged on the ground, or should I say, in the skies, finally premiered, not in India, not in Pakistan, not in, ahem, the sky above us – but all across the world except the two countries whose avid followers thanked their lucky stars they were anywhere but in their country of origin, at least not while they bought a cinema ticket, a bag of popcorn and a cola to go – anything for Fawad Khan, said the heart, anything for Aabeer Gulaal. The movie premiered last night and yours truly signed up for a watch, along with a multitude of fangirling Indian fans who just couldn’t wait to catch a glimpse of Fawad Khan on the big screen once more, and catch they did. Here’s how my mind cascaded into a thousand thoughts as I sat watching Aabeer Gulaal, my trusted Samsung notes open by my side lest I forget a hug, a gaze, a dialogue, God forbid, not a kiss (we don’t kiss, it’s Fawad Khan), leave them wanting more, right? And with that, let’s begin not with a thousand thoughts, but at least twenty some that crossed my mind as I sat watching the story unravel onscreen.

Here goes:

1. What if Fawad Khan did kiss his heroine, finally? It’s Bollywood after all. If Humayun Saeed could do it in The Crown, what’s stopping Aabeer from kissing his Gulaal?
2. But then again, I also wondered how beautiful was the language – Hindi or Urdu? When a Pakistani actor utters Ghair and Ghulam and Khan with all the accents in the right place, no dropping that H please! It ain’t silent – Gen Z take note. It ‘isn’t’ silent.
3. Why a hero takes his coffee a certain way and he switches it according to his lady love. I mean, I’ve been married 25 years, plus or minus a few and no, chai- coffee was never the debate. Money? Yes? Clean bathroom? Hell yes. In-laws – don’t even go there. But chai-coffee, I mean, who DOES that? But onscreen lead pairs do, it’s a thing, albeit maybe they should switch to, iPhone vs Samsung?
4. Kuch Na Kaho always had a certain ring to it, but now I can never hear it the same because Fawad Khan just immortalized the moment in ways I cannot even begin to say.
5. ‘Do you want me to?… Do you want me to?’ Ufff… I cannot tell you what that did to my insides. (And the insides of the cinema hall, predominantly comprising Fawad Khan fans, fangirling like they meant it). Seductive wasn’t even a thing till Aabeer uttered this dialogue to Gulaal – and no, I’m not exaggerating.
6. On another note, was that dialogue all about consent in the Gen Z world but we read it wrong? Uttered like that, with Fawad Khan in the driving seat, literally, it came so loaded, it didn’t even count.
7. When an actor is that good at romance, he can’t be cast in any other role. That’s his unspoken destiny. I mean, look at Tom Cruise, how many Mission Impossibles is it? When you do something so well, you keep doing it for life. That’s not stereotyping, just perfecting. If you do it well, you will be asked to do it over again – Humsafar sealed the deal for the rest of his life and now, it’s all about milking it? Or perhaps he needs to milk it more? The debate continues.
8. Would you marry a man who’s afraid of the dark? Or wait, should that even be a question?
9. Whoever did the wardrobe needs to be in line for Anna Wintour’s job – both Vaani and Fawad rocked the outfits and ‘clothes maketh the man, or woman’ just made so much more sense. I’ll have to throw out whatever I carry in my closet now. Money no object? Might run into a problem there.
10. If my dad would call my boss every time he couldn’t reach me, it’s kinda cute – but only if I ended up marrying him?
11. Penning a perfect message for my dad, and all I have to do is press send? Who needs ChatGPT when I have Aabeer, with the human touch?
12. I kept waiting for London Thumakda to do a live with Aabeer, or at least a special appearance in ‘Can Britain Dance,’ kinda like an Aabeer- Gulaal Salsa sequence, complete with Dirty Dancing feels, I mean, that would skyrocket views and I bet the makers didn’t think of that, or did they, and Fawad refused?
13. Why is the first half of the movie always so slow and everything happens after the interval? Is it because the story is on a slow cooker, and then transferred to an air fryer over the interval?  I mean, every single time, someone next to you says, maybe it’ll pick up after the interval, and it does.
14. Fawad Khan can romance a stone, and it doesn’t matter. He’d still kill it. And that’s number 14. Nothing more, nothing less.
15. How does a girl land up in another man’s bedroom – a total stranger, late at night, and they both fall asleep? I was wondering if the bedsheets were clean, and how someone can doze off and not wake up till its morning. I mean, isn’t going to the toilet a thing?
16. If a British police officer were to randomly break into song and dance to one Bollywood song, would it not be Chhaiyya Chhaiya? Just saying…
17. Will I ever see Fawad Khan in a Bollywood flick that’s not a romcom? If wishes were horses… sigh! ‘It’s not that deep,’ my other self tells me… get the pun?
18. Why the Bollywood hero is always wearing a very ‘hot’ jacket in an outdoor shoot and his leading lady dressed in the skimpiest, albeit prettiest outfit; but he’s not sweating and she’s not freezing either? They both inhabit a different climate, despite being wrapped up in each other’s arms? Oh wait, HIS jacket is keeping her warm??? Duh!
19. Why did Gulaal’s fiancé exist? Next one’s a spoiler…
20. Why would Avantika return after 5 years, and that too after a strange woman she had only met once asked her to…?
21. Why doesn’t an upscale Indian restaurant in London serve vegetarian biryani?
22. How does everyone in a movie start a social media page about their passion and lock into the algorithm instantly? I mean, what do they know that I don’t?
23. If Aabeer’s mom is so cool, why did Avantika need to leave… what are they not telling us? Is there a part two to this story or are we just scarred with Saas bhi kabhi bahu thi?
24. The sighs that rippled throughout the cinema every time the camera zoomed in on Fawad Khan told me something about controlling supply to amp up demand – this man knows his Economics for dummies.
25. Why is Rasoe spelt like that? And then we wonder why the English can’t pronounce our names?

And that’s it folks, my 25 thoughts while watching Aabeer Gulaal in cinema, first day, first show. Wait for the full review. And oh, should you watch it or not? That’s a thought I’m midway into – but one thing’s for sure – Bollywood has yet to give us a romantic hero in this decade that matches Fawad Khan’s vibe, so while the movie is up for review (coming soon) – the actor just won, two thumbs up, go watch!

Abeer Gulaal is directed by Aarti S Bagdi and produced by Vivek B. Agrawal, Avantika Hari, Rakesh Sippy, and Firuzi Khan, with Raza Namazi as co-producer. The film stars Fawad Khan, Vaani Kapoor, Lisa Haydon, Riddhi Dogra, Farida Jalal, Soni Razdan, Parmeet Sethi, Rahul Vora, Amrit Sandhu, Sujoy De, Zorawar Singh Ahluwalia, and Dev Agrawal.

Living Together vs. Falling Apart: 5 Throwback Stories On Joint Family Chaos Before You Watch “Jama Taqseem”