Parwarish: We Sat Down with a Therapist to Understand the Self-Harm Struggles Shown in Parwarish

Parwarish is doing a commendable job of capturing the nuanced struggles of Gen Z—be it identity, emotional overwhelm, or the constant clash between tradition and modern-day realities. Through its layered storytelling, Parwarish also opens up important conversations about parenting, the generational gap, and how emotional needs are often misunderstood in South Asian households.

One particularly important aspect it touches upon is mental health, specifically the often-taboo topic of self-harm. To better understand this issue and how families can offer support, we sat down with our onboard therapist, Dr. Sheeza, and asked her some important questions. Read below.

1.What are some emotional or behavioral changes parents and teachers should watch out for?

This is a very important question for parents and educational professionals to remember: self-harm is not typically the first point of expression of despair or frustration; it usually comes later. By the time you start noticing them having accidental bruises, cuts, blood stains, or kids wearing long sleeves all the time, they may already be self-harming.

However, there are many signs and symptoms that can show up much earlier. Recognizing these early signs can increase the chances of discouraging self-harm and getting the child or adolescent the help and support they need.

Here are some of the emotional and behavioral changes to watch out for:

• Academic issues and declining grades are often one of the first symptoms that a child is experiencing emotional or psychological distress.
• They may lose interest in things they used to enjoy—sports, hobbies, music, or even spending time with family or friends.
• Mood swings and irritability, especially getting upset over very minor things, can be noticeable.
• Secretive behavior, such as locking doors, hiding their phone, or wanting more alone time than usual, may be a sign that they are struggling or even already self-harming.
• You may hear them use a negative narrative about themselves, saying things like:
  “I’m worthless.”
  “I’m good for nothing.”
  “I’m a loser.”
• Withdrawing from friends or not being in touch with them as often can also be a red flag.
• Many teens post their feelings on social media. If you have access, you may notice negative or hopeless posts that indicate they’re emotionally overwhelmed or distressed.

2. If someone suspects their friend is going through what Aniya is, how can they approach the conversation without making it worse or triggering shame?

There are five things to remember when you talk to a friend:

1. Approach them in a private space so you are not embarrassing them.
2. Say something like, “I noticed this behavior and I am worried about you. Are you OK?”
3. Give them a chance to talk about what’s going on, and if they don’t want to talk, you can say something like, “I am here whenever you want to talk.”
4. If they do decide to talk to you, just listen. Don’t try to solve it. Don’t try to tell them, “You’re stronger than this,” and, “You shouldn’t be doing it,” and don’t make them feel guilty.
5. In either case, check on them regularly. Say, “I’m here,” so they know you care genuinely.
6. It’s very important for you to take care of your own emotions as you are going through this and make sure you are leaning on your own support system, such as your parent, school counselor, or any trusted adult.
7. Even if your friend has told you to not tell anyone, it is important to do that because you may not have all the skills to help them, and if they do something drastic, you will feel very guilty.
8. Here’s something you can say to your friend if you tell a trusted adult:
   “I care about you too much to keep this secret if it means you’re not safe.”

3. What should parents do and not do?

1. Stay calm and compassionate
   Say: “I’m here for you, no matter what.”
   “I can see you’re in pain, and I want to help.”
   Why it matters: Reacting with love and concern shows you’re a safe place, not a threat.
2. Listen more and validate the emotion.
3. Don’t minimize their pain and don’t make them feel guilty or shameful about what they’re doing.
   You can say that feelings are sometimes very overwhelming. You cannot imagine what they must be going through.
4. Do not make it a punishment and tell them not to do it.
   It doesn’t work. And if you make it a punishment, you are making them even more distant from you.
5. Try not to fix the problem but offer resources.

4.What kind of therapy or intervention would be appropriate for someone in Aniya’s situation, where there’s visible trauma but little willingness to talk about it?

There are multiple modalities of therapies that are effective for a teenager going through a tough time. Talking to somebody who is a professional is most important. Given Pakistan’s limited sources for trained therapists, it’s important to start working with anybody that the child can build an alliance with.

5. How long does recovery typically take for someone engaging in self-harm — and is relapse a normal part of the process?

The person who is affected can work with a therapist, and as they establish trust and learn positive coping mechanisms and techniques, they can start to own taking care of themselves. They can live very healthy and productive lives and seek therapy whenever they go through a tough time or have an urge to self-harm.

6. Would someone like Aniya potentially benefit from medication? When is it the right step, and how can parents make that decision responsibly?

Therapy is a great start to work with, and depending on the improvement, the patient can be a candidate for medication. A lot of times when there is a chemical imbalance, it is important to supplement with medication, which helps ease a lot of the intensity of the issues. There’s a lot of stigma in Pakistan about taking medicine, but it is important to understand that sometimes medicine is extremely necessary to help stabilize a patient. The other element that must be understood is that this is not something that necessarily needs to be weaned off. Just like blood pressure, diabetes, and cholesterol medicine, psychotropic medicine can be taken to help a person balance their emotions and live a healthy, productive life.

7. How helpful is it when shows like Parwarish depict mental health struggles like Aniya’s — can these stories reduce stigma or raise awareness in households where these conversations are still taboo?

I am so glad that shows like Parwarish are talking about these issues because these challenges are a part of any society, including Pakistan. While the goal is to destigmatize these conditions, it is very sad to see families judge other people’s kids for their emotional and mental health struggles.

8. What role can schools and community centers play in making sure young people like Aniya feel seen, heard, and supported beyond the home environment?

Schools must take a more proactive approach to educating not just their students but their teachers and staff about mental health challenges, and conduct trainings to better their skills to support kids instead of judging them and saying very unreasonable and insensitive things to these kids. The lack of support in the school system can sometimes exacerbate a child’s mental health. Teacher training in this area is critical.

9. The therapist advising Mahnoor not to bring Aniya for therapy herself till she is ready — is Aniya not a threat to herself or at risk of attempting suicide? Is this the prescribed route therapists take?

Forcing a child into therapy typically does not yield a productive and positive outcome. It is really important to understand that simple, supportive behaviors that the family can display can create a positive environment for a child, an adolescent, or any person who is affected. Being kind to them, trying your best not to judge them, and especially trying not to minimize their challenge are all important behaviors that a family must display to help their family member who is suffering.

About Dr. Sheeza Mohsin:

Dr Sheeza Mohsin is a Couples Therapist, and an Executive Coach, focusing on Mental Health for Men, with a Global Practice. Her newly created website www.dilkirecipes.com and related social media platforms are just now launching to support the South Asian diaspora in the United States and abroad.

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