Yes, there’s trouble brewing in Bollywood as Raees Needs A New Zaalima, Sanam Has Taken Back Her Kasam, and Kapoor Has One Son Missing!
The ceasefire has brought on a new kind of war, and it’s not fought with drones or Raphaels. This one is aimed at obliterating images of Pakistani celebrities from projects done and dusted years ago, in Bollywood. Or some that were about to take off, but not any more folks. It’s revenge mode on, but along with that, comes a desperate attempt to erase history. It’s been done before, and it can be done again. I mean, why not? All you need is AI, and a passion (quote: desperate need) to wipe off the slate.
Seeing that many across the border are not coming slow in the passion (and desperate need) department, we’re here to help you. Here’s a suggestion Bollywood, and we won’t be surprised if you take it.
Why don’t you remake, Raees, Sanam Teri Kasam, Kapoor & Sons, and anything remotely Pakistani hiding somewhere, some place in your movie and entertainment archives?
After all, you have one of the largest movie industries in the world, second to practically none. And the idea is pretty cool, you gotta admit. Know this: Mawra’s character Saru, can actually live now in Sanam Teri Kasam. That way it’s a surprise ending, all the more reason to watch the new and improved version! And now, just imagine the Indian cinema fan all hyped to go watch a new and improved Zaalima – SRK romancing in the desert with his lady love (not Mahira). Oh, did we hear you say it’s too much work. What’s that you said? Shahrukh Khan might not have the dates? Okay, here’s another suggestion, you always got AI. We bet you can generate a reworked version of the entire song with not a trace of Mahira Khan in it. Challenge accepted?
Yeah, you can thank us later!
See, that will get your public cheering for you. Not this. This blanked out version of a poster that needs to be coloured in – remember photoshop? AI does it even better! Because right now, poor Raees seems oh so lonely without his heroine Aasiya! And here’s more unsolicited advice – just copy-paste this suggestion for all other Pak-India collabs that are making you wince in pain.
Reminder: Don’t leave out Zee TV’s Mrs. and Mr. Shameem, Dhoop Ki Deewar and the recent Barzakh.
And what about Bollywood legend and beloved by all of Pakistan Mr. Dilip Kumar, who received Pakistan’s highest civilian award, Nishan-e-Imtiaz in 1998, becoming the only Indian recipient of the honor. Will you be giving that back too?
For those who missed it, there’s more. A very recent spirit of giving witnessed the Indian government award a Pakistani citizen, yes, you heard that right. And we have the deets for you: Pakistani Asif Bashir, who served as a volunteer during the Hajj season in 2024, provided first aid to around 350 pilgrims suffering from heat-related illnesses in the sweltering June heat wave. Of those, 44 survived, including 24 Indian nationals and one British citizen.
The Indian government acknowledged Bashir’s selfless heroism, naming him a recipient of the Jeevan Rakshak Award, an honor bestowed on individuals who save lives during emergencies.
Ummm, taking that back too?
You know, here’s more food for thought, while you’re in the “obliteration game.” Next in line should be cricket matches played against Team Pakistan. I mean, how can you watch the Pakistan cricket team descending into the field with their Indian counterparts – Ouch! Is it Imran Khan or Babar Azam, that hurts the eyes most? Delete, delete, delete. No more watching the green shirts play with the blue. Umm, let us guess, that should take you all of 2025 or even 2026, if you can trace every reel, TikTok, YouTube video and shorts ever made with these two teams hitting it out of the park! An don’t forget viral images of Virat Kohli hugging the Pakistani team. Tch, tch, tch, cancel, cancel cancel…that one’s gotta go!
Not to forget, the very recent debacle (you really shouldn’t have, all that effort for nothing) – Netflix series, The Greatest Rivalry, dare you keep that online too? Take note, Indian cricketers praising Shoaib Akhtar’s Express game, and Multan cricket fans handing Virendar Sehwag the indomitable title of Multan Ka Sultan…nooooo.
That’s tantamount to all seven deadly sins put together in one show!
And while you’re at it, here’s more to kill off on your list:
Hania Aamir and Diljit Dosanjh reels in concert. Perhaps they’ve already met their end though as we write this, it was a short and sweet life – we mean, poor Diljit, you gotta live!
There’s more where that came from: Javed Akhtar visiting Lahore Literature festival and later being hosted by Ali Zafar and half the Lahore elite for a late-night musical evening.
Don’t forget clips from the Sharjah match, that one’s a complete eyesore. Actually, wait a minute, did that even happen? If you can’t see it, it’s not real, right? Try getting that off the net.
Here’s more: start a petition to change the most beloved bakery of the Pakistani nation, Bombay Bakery in Hyderabad, to Hyderabad Bakery. But wait a minute, isn’t there a Hyderabad in India too? Now what? Can we please lay claim to that one?
Or will that be another Kashmir in the making?
And that reminds us, sore point, right – Kashmir, you can’t share a name with the enemy. What about calling it by another name, so it doesn’t sound the same as ours? What about Rooh Afza, the drink that nourishes both sides of the border in hot, hot summer. Should we change the name? Or will you do the honours?
What do they say, what’s in a name? A rose by any other name smells (and tastes) just as sweet, right?
As far as history goes, we also have the Pakistani music group Strings music group collab with John Abraham, Sanjay Dutt and Lara Dutta for Zinda. And countless other songs, (you’ll have to do your homework here), with Pakistani vocals.
Dear angry Indian, everything you aim to erase is part of our history – yours and ours. Things, events, people, places, movies, songs, stories, lives lost, and born, it all happened in real.
Just like 1947.
But if you aim to erase it all, pretend it never happened, know this.
You also happened after 1947. And so did we. Some things are hard to erase.
There’s wisdom in the timeless words:
The moving finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on, nor all thy piety nor wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a line,
Nor all thy tears wash out a word of it.
Omar Khayyam
Back to the Future Season Next might be a storyline to consider.
