You’re kinder to other people’s children who err, but what if it’s your own? All that kindness and understanding goes out the window – expect the wrath of God and how dare he, or she! You have a special thing going with your son (if you’re a mother), and with your daughter (if you’re a father), and yeah, you get the best friends thing and all, but there’s definitely lots of friction there that no one wants to address.
Is this how nature meant it to be, how parenting is wired in our DNA and possibly, all over the world. She might be your best friend but she’s also the one with whom you have the most arguments, till you make up. In Tum Larkay Bhi Na, Sheba and Nazish 1 seem to share a similar relationship, although we admit the making up might take time. There’s more lingering beneath the surface as Nazish 1 deals with her own childhood issues of being fat-shamed earlier in life and hence, keeps doing it to her daughter – the tough love that she hopes will force Sheba to consciously lose weight, however, all it’s doing for now is, spiraling her daughter into a toxic circle where they both crash more than resolve issues.
On the other hand, there’s Imtiaz, who seems to share quite the bond with his daughter. He’s gentle, understanding and even appreciative of her efforts. Sheba finds a safe space with her father and she’s willing to overlook his misdemeanours as a husband, for instance his extra marital affair with Nazish 2. While we might not have faced similar and seemingly dark circumstances in our lives (one shudders to think how Nazish 1 when she discovers her husband is still at it), it is interesting how Sheba hasn’t confronted her father about the affair although she’s aware of it.
And then we have Uroosa and Aamir. Uroosa was quite shocked when Nazish 1 caught Sheba with Kumail, holding hands at the restuarant. Little did she know or expect that her son had been present at the same gathering moments ago. But once she discovered that Zoyaan too, is showing a bit too much interest in the opposite sex, she first tries to pacify the situation but then, comes down hard on him along with her husband Aamir. Aamir too, refuses to engage in a conversation but instead, punishes Zoyaan by taking away his bike – the father-son equation working to full friction as it does so often – fight first, talk later. Uroosa on the other hand, might have been lighter on Zoyaan had Aamir shown a slightly restrained stance – mothers often side with the father, even though they might not fully agree with him, just to maintain the peace in a relationship? Interestingly, the person who showed some sympathy was Zoyaan’s uncle Imtiaz. But was it because Imtiaz is guilty of the same behaviour – having a flirtatious nature, or because, he’s not the parent and hence, can be more understanding towards someone else’s son?
Parenting is hard work and so is being a child – son or daughter. And in the world of Tum Larkay Bhi Na, it is the young adults who have it tough for now. Relationships all around them are falling apart – Badrika with Zoyaan, Sheba with Kumail (we won’t mention Wardah and Sallu, but there time has also come). Not just that, but one has to step back and observe, before blaming these teens, that their parents aren’t exactly role models when it comes to stable, committed relationships. But more on that in another piece. This is about the children.
Badrika is mature beyond her years. She lives in a home where there are two more people and one of them, her father, is undergoing severe mental health issues. Badrika has had to grow up faster than other young people her age. Her father treats her like a grown up, and she has quietly stepped into the role of mothering him,. Her mother is caught up with her own struggles and finally winning, and while Faryal’s journey is uplifting for Badrika, she is already a mature young adult at a young age. She is financially independent, seems emotionally strong and not as frivolous as the boys she meets, yet she is a child at heart – her conversations with Sheba reveal a part of her we forget exists when we see her negotiating prices with Nazish 2 or meeting Zoyaan’s mother on her own, in fact, managing all of life’s problems independently.
Badrika’s bond with older women – Rohail’s mother and Nazish 2 where she feels she knows them and appreciates them, might be them manipulating her emotions. Are these women filling the vacuum left by her mom Faryal who is too busy managing her own relationship? But since Badrika is used to handling life’s problems alone, or with another friend who is her age too, things might blow up at a certain point, pehaps when it’s too late?
Each young adult in Tum Larkay Bhi Na is fraught with personal life problems that represent the messy situations of youth – and the inevitable part? Despite sharing the same roof, celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, and special moments together, parents of these young adults are rarely aware of the catastrophic emotional and mental health problems their children navigate on a daily basis.
We often hear of friends, neighbours and other family members managing a breakup, a child who struggles with grades, bullying, or parents who experience a communication breakdown with their children – just like Nazish 1 and Uroosa witness with each other’s children, but none of us expect it will happen to our families. Despite the telling signs around us, the red flags we hastily dismiss as a one-time occurence – every parent ‘others’ the struggles of their family and friends as something that doesn’t concern them. Well, because it won’t happen to them.
Till it does. And Tum Larkay Bhi Na is about to raise the curtain on exactly that.
What happens next is anybody’s guess, but the biggest parenting takeaway in Tum Larkay Bhi Na is about to drop, and even if it’s just a drama, we’d advise all of us to pay heed because, in another world, the real one, it could be you.
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